His story/Her story: “My in-laws hid that my husband has bipolar personality disorder” – Times of India

Her story: We got married within 7 months of meeting and it was an arranged set up. My husband often had anger fits and then suddenly he would become as sweet as a puppy. I wondered often what was wrong with him until 9 months into our marriage when I was 2 months pregnant, a relative of his blurted out the truth that he was declared bipolar by the doctors five years before our marriage. I am 33 and my husband is 40 and I thought that the reason my husband was single till 40 was because of his unfit body but in reality it was his mental health issue. We have a 2.5 year old son now and I fear for his life too. One day in a fit of rage he slapped our baby on the back because my baby was trying to protect me from his anger. I don’t know what to do. Should I leave him? Will my child suffer? Please show me a direction.

His story:
I have anger issues and yes I agree that we had hidden my bipolar condition from my wife. But I love the woman a lot and I cannot imagine my world without her and my son. I practice anger control, but one day I got so mad that I accidentally hit my son when he came between our fights. I will always regret that night but I think my wife wants to leave me. She has not said that yet but she does have the guts to walk out on me with our son because my son means more to her than I do. I know I have not treated her right but I cannot let her go… Please help me as I am ready to do anything to get my family back.

AiR Atman in Ravi
Spiritual Leader and Founder of AiR Institute of Realization and AiR center of Enlightenment

To Him: If you were diagnosed with bipolar disorder and you have hidden it from your wife at the time of your marriage, then you are guilty of several sins. A woman gets married to a man with faith and trust and you betrayed her trust by hiding your mental health condition. And now, if you want to save your marriage, first, admit that you did a sin by hiding the truth from your wife and apologize for it. Secondly, you owe her love, affection and care. Be loving and caring towards her. Try to communicate with her and hear her fears and worries regarding this relationship too. Thirdly, you must be conscious of your anger and the bipolar condition. You have to work on your mental health issues and try to improve it so that you don’t hurt your wife and child, even accidentally. Either you start following the right path or be ready to lose, not only your wife but your son and your life, altogether. Therefore, you need to pull up your socks and work on improving your marriage and yourself, before it is too late.

To Her:
You are married to a man who has cheated you by hiding about his mental health condition, the bipolar disorder. It was very unfortunate that you didn’t know it then and when you knew it, you had already conceived your child. Now, you have a child from this marriage. You have an easy way out of this situation – divorce. But divorce is not a simple solution for either you or your child. Your life has posed a tricky question in front of you and the answer to it lies in expanding your spiritual understanding that everything in this world happens because of Karma. Whatever has happened to you, is a part of the Karmic cycle and escaping out of this situation only means that you will have to face this Karma, again. Therefore, my sincere advice is that you try not to get out of it. You can communicate your concerns with your husband, have an open talk with him and both of you can work towards finding a solution. You can also take professional help to resolve the bipolar condition and anger issues of your husband. Give this marriage your best shot and unless you can’t do further, try your best to make it work.

Vishal Bhardwaj, Founder and Relationship Coach, Predictions For Success

Bipolar disorder is a chronic mood disorder that causes very frequent and high mood swings and change in level of energy. These fluctuations are either in an elevated range where the person feels extreme levels of emotions, thoughts and energy in a very uncontrollable manner or in the depressive stage, where symptoms like tiredness, feeling of worthlessness, being alone and even change in appetite patterns are dominant.

I would first like to strongly highlight that any type of depression or mental illness should not be treated as ‘maniac’ and regular counsellings and medical care can help very effectively.

For Her: Sadly, mental illness is still considered taboo in our society and hence most of the time, they are simply ignored unless it reaches the most advanced stage. You are absolutely right that hiding of facts about the partner can highly dent the pillars of the relationship. However, as I mentioned, many times even the patient him/herself doesn’t consider that they have any mental health issues. There are high chances that this might be the case for your husband as well.

I will recommend you to support your husband with patience and ask him to take expert help here. Abandoning him can be fatal or at the least, might diminish the chance of improvement in future.

For Him:
Acceptance is the most difficult step towards the improvement in any issues related to mental health. You are on the right path but you need expert help and you need it right now. There are stages of health disorders and self-help may not be adequate everytime. I will strongly recommend you to take an expert’s help on this.

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